| Copyright � 2007 Ed Bagley | | | | Man is the only animal on the face of the earth |
| The truth of the matter is that being a politician in | | | | who preys on his own species. Man is also the |
| America today is one of the best paying jobs a | | | | smartest animal on the face of the earth and the |
| person could have despite their supposedly low | | | | stupidest at the same time. We would rather kill |
| wages compared to corporate executives. | | | | each other than live in peace. |
| I bet there are corporate executives in America | | | | I believe Ambrose Bierce had it right when he |
| who wish they were making $16 million a year like | | | | defined politics in his Devil's Dictionary as: "Politics, |
| Giuliani. | | | | n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest |
| The tragedy of all of this is not that a Republican | | | | of principles. The conduct of public affairs for |
| is being discovered, tried and convicted in a news | | | | private advantage." |
| report, but that the same can and will be done to | | | | Bierce first published his Devil's Dictionary in 1911, |
| a Democrat by some other news reporter | | | | a time some would consider more genteel. |
| hell-bent on trying to pass off their brilliance as | | | | Today's political parties and politicians have raised |
| actual news rather than accusatory garbage. | | | | lying, cheating and stealing to an art form. |
| If you do not know that the vast majority of | | | | When I say cheating I mean both of money and |
| politicians lie, cheat and steal as necessary to get | | | | extramarital sex. Some of our married politicians |
| elected and stay elected, you do not understand | | | | at the national level are so horny they need to be |
| much about politics in America today. It is real | | | | romancing their secretary or an intern young |
| difficult to practice integrity when your pants are | | | | enough to be their daughter or granddaughter. A |
| down. | | | | few even fancy themselves as incredibly |
| The best job most national politicians do is helping | | | | attractive Lotharios masquerading as chick |
| themselves get rich legally at the expense of the | | | | magnets. They might be able to pull this off as |
| electorate they are supposed to be representing. | | | | long as their photo-opts are straight on; the side |
| It is never too soon to vote themselves another | | | | views may be problematic in print. |
| raise, perk or benefit, or cut an out-of-sight deal | | | | Bierce was an interesting guy. He was an |
| to line their pockets, and it is never too late to bail | | | | American editorialist, journalist, short-story writer |
| out on legislation that might offend a big campaign | | | | and satirist who wrote for a number of |
| contributor. | | | | newspapers, including the San Francisco News |
| This is politics in America today: you buy and sell | | | | Letter, a financial magazine founded by Frederick |
| votes like a common prostitute in the red light | | | | Marriott in the late 1850s. |
| district of your city; you try to do it legally, and if | | | | Bierce was the 10th of 13 children, all of whom |
| you cannot, you hope to hell that you do not get | | | | had names starting with the letter "A", as in |
| caught. | | | | Abigail, Amelia, Ann, Addison, Aurelius, Augustus, |
| Who exactly do you suppose politicians are | | | | Alameda, Andrew, Albert, Ambrose, Arthur, |
| protecting when they will not pass legislation to | | | | Adelia and Aurelia. His dad's name was Marcus |
| protect innocent children against child predators? | | | | Aurelius Bierce. |
| This is the world we live in today. | | | | Ambrose Bierce fought at the Battle of Shiloh on |
| No payoff is too great to not be swept under the | | | | the Union side in the Civil War. He would later |
| carpet. | | | | write about the experience. He is most |
| It is difficult to sidestep the cow pies when your | | | | remembered for his lucid, unsentimental style that |
| are mired in a crap field. | | | | created the Devil's Dictionary which offers up |
| When something good is done for the people at | | | | reinterpretations of the English language which |
| large it is more likely to be done today by | | | | lampoon cant and political double-talk. |
| accident than by design. Politics and the business | | | | Bierce was born in Ohio in 1842, grew up in |
| of politics are simply that bad. | | | | Indiana, moved West to San Francisco, worked |
| Some politicians ignore children who are innocent | | | | as a writer, and died in Mexico. His actual date of |
| victims as not even being worthy of the same | | | | death is unknown, listed only as possibly 1914 |
| rights they enjoy, and then make it a badge of | | | | (June 24, 1842-1914?). There was no question |
| liberal honor to try and rehabilitate predators who | | | | mark about his work; his writing lives on. |
| are no better than yesterday's garbage. Usually it | | | | If you ever find a better definition of politics than |
| is these same politicians who do everything in a fit | | | | the one offered up by Ambrose Bierce, you let |
| of righteousness (their rightness at your expense). | | | | me know, and I will buy you lunch. |