| How can anyone with the brain of a cockroach | | | | are shared by more and more people, to depend |
| make such a stupid statement?So rang out the | | | | on what you picked up as a youngster is a poor |
| scorn of a killer talk show host on a television | | | | way to shape your life into a successful affair. In |
| station in Cleveland. When I was on tour in his | | | | our conventional behavioral patterns many |
| city, John Kelly quoted Leo Derocher who said | | | | mistakes have been handed down from |
| just the opposite -- "Nice guys finish last." Kelly | | | | generation to generation. At home you were |
| also quoted from books like Winning Through | | | | probably socialized not to ask embarrassing |
| Intimidation, Looking Out For Number ONE and | | | | questions of your elders. At school you were |
| possibly, Succeeding With A Swift Kick To the | | | | expected to memorize the correct answers. And |
| Groin.John Kelly had done everything except put a | | | | if you are like most people, you are still waiting |
| dunce-cap on my head as he seated me on a | | | | for someone to ask the right questions so you |
| stool before the cameras and, despite his | | | | can show what a good student you |
| complete ignorance of what I was teaching, | | | | were.Unfortunately for your welfare, no one is |
| proceeded to ridicule my leadership seminar for | | | | ever going to ask them, since most of the |
| managers, pastors, teachers and other | | | | answers you learned in school are no longer |
| professionals. He held my book up for the | | | | appropriate. Yet -- millions of men and women |
| audience of some three hundred people -- with | | | | who would never imagine crossing the country by |
| tens of thousands more watching from their | | | | covered wagon instead of jet aircraft, who would |
| homes, and asked;Who can believe this drivel? | | | | never take some medicine man's snake-oil cure, |
| Everyone on earth knows that a nice guy or gal | | | | try to succeed in life by using methods that were |
| hasn't a choice in this lousy, rotten world. You | | | | outdated a century ago. And then can't |
| gotta be tough and mean to be successful. | | | | understand why they aren't among the successful |
| Everywhere! How many agree with me that this | | | | achievers.Today, men and women are having to |
| stuff is nonsense? Raise your hands.That was | | | | cope with complex events that are affecting their |
| premature since no one there had any idea what | | | | lives in many crucial ways. Medicine, personal |
| I was teaching in the seminar, but they voted as | | | | behavior, education, entertainment, sexual |
| Kelly asked them to. Many had preconceived | | | | customs, engineering and business methods are all |
| notions and about two hundred people in the | | | | changing more rapidly than at any time in history. |
| studio agreed with John. He then asked, How | | | | We no sooner get comfortable than life rolls over |
| many agree with -- he didn't actually say it -- this | | | | once again, forcing us to learn an entirely new set |
| dunce on the stool, but his non-verbal | | | | of attitudes, activities and relationships!And yet, |
| communication made his meaning quite clear. John | | | | not one of the changes sweeping over us like |
| was all geared up to take me apart for writing | | | | Pacific waves crashing onto a reef, has such |
| something he didn't understand. He pointed to the | | | | critical implications when making one's life count |
| overwhelming number of hands in the air and said; | | | | for something satisfying as the attitudes that |
| Take it from there, Doc. Let's see how you | | | | people now hold toward power and control.The |
| handle this rejection. He sat down in the audience, | | | | John Wayne or John Rambo mystique (Tell the |
| as all three cameras zoomed in close -- to watch | | | | jerks what to do!) doesn't motivate competent |
| me sweat, I suppose. Because I knew what my | | | | persons any more. If it ever did! For example, |
| program was all about and he didn't -- I countered | | | | since the disasters caused by fighting the wrong |
| by agreeing with the host. I said;If you consider a | | | | people, in the wrong place, at the wrong time -- |
| nice guy or gal a doormat, a wimp, a | | | | during America's shameful wars against poor, |
| marshmallow -- I agree with you completely. Such | | | | dark-skinned Third World nations such as Vietnam, |
| a person doesn't have a chance to succeed in a | | | | Libya, Panama, Granada, Lebanon, Somalia and |
| tough, competitive world in which many other | | | | others, many perceptive women and men have |
| persons are striving for the same things we want | | | | lost faith in our institutions.We see Congress and |
| for ourselves. The tough-minded guys and gals will | | | | state Legislatures consistently selling out to the |
| run over the wimps in a very short time. I, | | | | highest bidder, business organizations disposing of |
| however don't think of the doormats of the | | | | the faithful employees who do their best work at |
| world as truly nice guys and gals. I see nice | | | | the drop of a point on Wall Street, the criminal |
| persons as competent and intelligent persons who | | | | justice system with trigger-happy cops and |
| understand the nature of influence, cooperation | | | | politically ambitious district attorneys regularly |
| and persuasion power -- as those who;MANAGE | | | | convicting and legally murdering unfortunate, |
| INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS WITH | | | | mostly poor, minority men who couldn't possibly |
| KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOMSHARE THE | | | | have committed the crimes for which they are |
| REWARDS OF ACHIEVEMENT WITH THE MEN | | | | being executed. The very flexible morality of |
| AND WOMEN WHO HELP THEM | | | | primitive politicians, greedy business executives, |
| SUCCEEDCREATE COMMUNITIES OF SATISFIED | | | | powerful governmental officials and existentially |
| ACHIEVERS IN WHICH EVERY PERSON IS A | | | | enraged citizens who feel the execution of any |
| RESPECTED MEMBERAnd that, I said to the | | | | minority man whether guilty or not is a good |
| group, is my definition of a nice guy or gal, of an | | | | day's work -- is a weak reed upon which to |
| authentic, emotionally honest parent, teacher, | | | | lean.Every person with a smattering of intelligence |
| manager, pastor, military officer or what have | | | | realizes he or she is out there on the bubble -- |
| you!I folded my arms and sat back on the stool -- | | | | pretty much alone -- on his or her own, much of |
| waiting, for I had said all I intended to in defense | | | | the time. Few of us without the support of |
| of NICE GUYS AND GALS. So, I waited and | | | | government or great wealth have the power |
| waited -- for John to rouse up from his confusion. | | | | needed to demand cooperation from others. Not |
| I could almost hear the gears whirring in his head | | | | long ago a middle-aged local realtor told me of an |
| as first one cam- era and then another zoomed in | | | | experience he had with his youthful secretary. |
| on me and then on to John and panned the | | | | Dan said that Dianne was a hardworking, |
| audience be- fore coming back to me and John -- | | | | high-spirited employee who was competent and |
| for almost a minute. And that, is an eternity of | | | | loyal enough to become his administrative |
| dead time on television. The camera operators | | | | assistant. He said, she reminded him of the |
| were getting frantic when John finally stood, | | | | flippant young secretary in the T V series THE |
| shook his head to clear his thoughts and muttered | | | | PRACTICE. But he began to notice, to his middle |
| right on the air;Well, I'll be damned! I never | | | | age displeasure, that she was dressing more and |
| thought of nice guys that way.Most people don't | | | | more casually, as if she were going to a picnic |
| but we then had a great time on his show. I | | | | rather than to a business operation. So, he called |
| convinced him my approach is by far the best | | | | her into his office and tactfully asked her to dress |
| way to succeeding throughout life, rather than by | | | | according to his code -- the long accepted |
| clawing and screaming, trying to defeat everyone | | | | business code set by such giants as I B M, |
| else, destroying the relationships that create | | | | General Motors and Honeywell. The young woman |
| friend- ship and love, clogging your arteries and | | | | sat silently as he spoke, but when he finished, she |
| corroding the plumbing that keeps you alive -- | | | | stood up and said quite pointedly;Who needs this |
| with bile and acids boiling through your vascular | | | | crap in an informal business such as this?Then she |
| and digestive systems.John had the people vote | | | | walked out of his office, returned to her desk, |
| again and this time all but two men of the three | | | | and continued to work harder and smarter for his |
| hundred or so in the audience voted that nice | | | | small company than any assistant he had ever |
| guys and gals did indeed have a greater chance at | | | | employed. As he related the story, Dan sighed |
| success if they followed my view of sound | | | | deeply and said there was little he could do about |
| relationships. They immediately saw the wisdom in | | | | her impertinence, unless he wanted to cut off his |
| my approach and I trust that you also shall | | | | nose to spite his face. He could protect his ego |
| understand it that way! The next Sunday, after | | | | against an outspoken girl -- could fire her of |
| I'd returned to Minneapolis, I drew my pastor | | | | course, and really teach her a lesson, forcing her |
| aside, told him my tale and joked;If you had my | | | | to take unemployment pay, a month or two of |
| percentage of conversions, we'd have the largest | | | | subsidized vacation, and get a job with a |
| congregation in the country!MAKING YOUR LIFE | | | | company that would not be so stuffy about the |
| COUNTThis course is about people and about | | | | way she dressed. But, he would be the real loser. |
| succeeding or failing in life, since some degree of | | | | He would spend a month trying to find a suitable |
| success and failure are the only real options that | | | | replacement, another three or four months trying |
| are open to us. It is written with the knowledge | | | | to help the newcomer learn the job, and another |
| that neither power nor pleasure exists in a | | | | six months blaming himself for letting his ego cost |
| vacuum. Virtually everything good we do in life | | | | him a year's efficiency in his office. He kept his |
| requires the cooperation of people in different | | | | mouth shut and retained a great assistant -- for |
| ways. And every one of them has his or her own | | | | he lacked the power to make her comply with his |
| agenda that is personally important.Therefore, you | | | | requirements.Indeed life does go on and we must |
| will have to overpower, out-skill, deceive, or | | | | adapt, must cope with reality in order to succeed, |
| persuade others before society will consistently | | | | even if doing so makes us suspect that the world |
| allow you to share in the marbles, money, | | | | is going to hell in a handcart, because humans |
| passionate lovers, prestige or promotions you | | | | hate change inordinately and yearn to freeze life |
| want. Only in this way can you make your life | | | | as it was when we were learning it. Even when |
| count for something worthwhile.Of course, few of | | | | doing so costs us a bundle. Many people do just |
| the people who are succeeding are willing to share | | | | that because personal prestige is more important |
| their hard-earned knowledge with you. Mentors | | | | to themselves than performance or profits, but it |
| are hard to find and they always want much in | | | | quickly leads to dysfunctional families, schools, |
| return for any help they offer.The purpose of this | | | | companies, churches and communities.Visit our |
| course is to teach you how to predict the | | | | website at Wishes, |
| attitudes and activities of the men and women | | | | Jard DeVilleThe Author - Jard DeVille, after his |
| you must influence every day in order to keep | | | | World War II era service in the Seventh and Fifth |
| your life successful. It also shows you how to | | | | Army Air Forces, studied, ministered to several |
| influence their choices in ways they approve by | | | | congregations and taught college psychology for |
| using sound methods of personal effectiveness. | | | | almost two decades. DeVille was Psychology |
| You can do these things by learning and using | | | | Department Chair at Westminster College, |
| powerful techniques developed by some very | | | | Director of the Kenosha Child Conservation |
| good psychiatrists and psychologists. These | | | | Center in conjunction with the University of |
| methods are unknown to most people, although | | | | Wisconsin at Madison and taught leadership |
| professional therapists, consultants and social | | | | psychology for years in the Executive |
| workers have been using them for decades with | | | | Development Program for the University of |
| much success.Most people struggle through life | | | | Arizona at Tucson. He served as Manager of |
| the best way they can, succeeding once in a | | | | Engineering Research, Methods and Training for |
| while, but more often failing because they never | | | | UniRoyal chemical complex and as Vice President |
| learned how to consistently make good things | | | | of Manufacturing for automated farm tools in |
| happen when and where they are needed. They | | | | Derardean Corporation.Jard has published more |
| simply blunder along -- accepting whatever the | | | | than a score of psychology books, seminars and |
| luck of the draw offers them daily, never really | | | | psychological assessment instruments. His book |
| taking charge of their relationships in a mutually | | | | NICE GUYS FINISH FIRST was powerful in English, |
| rewarding manner that keeps people cooperating | | | | Japanese and Spanish editions. THE PSYCHOLOGY |
| with them.Many persons try to succeed by using | | | | OF LEADERSHIP was New American Library's |
| the values, attitudes, expectations, and skills they | | | | offering in their Executive Development Series. |
| chanced on in childhood. Unfortunately, in this age | | | | For twenty years he was considered by many to |
| of relentless change, when power and authority | | | | be America's foremost leadership scholar. |